Black's Humour 黑人的幽默
Dear white ,something you got to know
When I was born, I am black.
When I grow up ,I am black.
when I'm under the sun ,I am black .
when I am cold ,I am black .
when I am afraid ,I am black
when I am sick , I am black.
when I die ,I am still black.
YOU---- white people.
when you were born ,you were pink.
when you grow up,you become white.
you are red under the sun
you are blue when you're cold
你寒冷時 , 你是青色的
you are yellow when you're afraid
你害怕時 , 你是黃色的
you are green when you're sick
You are gray when you die
And you ,call me "colored"??
而你 , 卻叫我"有色人"??
回答者：浪跡天涯♂彬 - 試用期 一級 5-1 16:00
In The Air
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy(吝嗇) and hated spending money. One day a fair(集市) came to the nearby town.
“Let’s go to the fair, Matt,” his wife said, “We haven’t been anywhere for a long time.”
Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, “All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything.”
They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy ,but he would not let her spend any money.
Then , in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane.
“Fun flight!” the notice said, “$10 for 10 minutes.”
Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.
“I’ve only got $10,” he told the pilot. ( 飛行員). “Can my wife come with me for free?” The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said , “I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight.”
Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.
The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.
When the plane landed , the pilot said, “O.K. your wife didn’t make a sound . She can have her ride free.”
“Thank you,” Matt said. “it wasn’t easy for her, you know , especi ally (尤其 ) when she fell out.”
回答者：嘟嘟_蘭蘭 - 試用期 一級 5-1 18:35
（2）BUYING A HAT
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
（4） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
（6）She kindled a third match. Again shot up the flame； and now she was sitting under a most beautiful Christmas tree ,far larger, and far more prettily decked out, than the one she had seen last Christmas eve through the glass doors of the rich merchant's house. Hundreds of wax-tapers lighted up the green branches, and tiny painted figures, such as she had seen in the shop-windows, looked down from the tree upon her. The child stretched out her hands towards them in delight, and in that moment the lights of the match warm quenched； still, however, the Christmas candles burned higher and higher， she beheld them beaming like stars in heaven； one of them fell, the lights streaming behind it like a long, fiery tail.
“Now some one is dying,” said the little girl, softly, for she had been told by her old grandmother， the only person who had ever been kind to her, and who was now dead that whenever a star falls an immortal spirit returns to the God who gave it.
She struck yet another match against the wall； it flamed up, and surrounded by its light, appeared before her that same dear grandmother, gentle and loving as always, but bright and happy as she had never looked during her lifetime.
（7）But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
Two pals are sitting in a pub watching the eleven-'clock news.A reporter comes on about a man threatening to jump from the 20th floor of a downtown building.One friend turns to the other and says,'I'll bet you ten bucks the guy doesn't jump.'
'It's a bet,' agrees his buddy.
A few minutes later, the man on the ledge jumps,so the loser hands his pal a $10 bill.'I can't take your money,'his friend admits.'I saw him jump earlier on the six-o'clock news.'
'Me,too,'says the other buddy.'But I didn't think he'd do it again.
（9）Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
（10)Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
1 inform v.告訴
2 nest n.窩；巢
3 description n.描述
4 encourage v.鼓勵
5 resemble v. 相似；類似
(11)I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
1 poisonous adj.有毒的
2 Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。
(12)A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
回答者：zjhzyms - 見習魔法師 二級 5-4 17:12
The Thirsty Pigeon口渴的鴿子
A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders.
Zeal should not outrun discretion.
The Raven and the Swan烏鴉和天鵝
A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.
Change of habit cannot alter Nature.
烏鴉非常羨慕天鵝潔白的羽毛。他猜想天鵝一定是經常洗澡，羽毛才變得如此潔白無 瑕。于是，他毅然離開了他賴以生存的祭壇，來到江湖邊。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但一 點都沒洗白，反而因缺少食物饑餓而死。
The Goat and the Goatherd 山羊與牧羊人
A GOATHERD had sought to bring back a stray goat to his flock. He whistled and sounded his horn in vain; the straggler paid no attention to the summons. At last the Goatherd threw a stone, and breaking its horn, begged the Goat not to tell his master. The Goat replied, "Why, you silly fellow, the horn will speak though I be silent."
Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid.
很多山羊被牧羊人趕到羊圈里。有一只山羊不知在吃什么好東西，單獨落在后面。牧羊 人拿起一塊石頭扔了過去，正巧打斷了山羊的一只角。牧羊人嚇得請求山羊不要告訴主人， 山羊說：“即使我不說，又怎能隱瞞下去呢？我的角已斷了，這是十分明顯的事實。”
A MISER sold all that he had and bought a lump of gold, which he buried in a hole in the ground by the side of an old wall and went to look at daily. One of his workmen observed his frequent visits to the spot and decided to watch his movements. He soon discovered the secret of the hidden treasure, and digging down, came to the lump of gold, and stole it. The Miser, on his next visit, found the hole empty and began to tear his hair and to make loud lamentations. A neighbor, seeing him overcome with grief and learning the cause, said, "Pray do not grieve so; but go and take a stone, and place it in the hole, and fancy that the gold is still lying there. It will do you quite the same service; for when the gold was there, you had it not, as you did not make the slightest use of it."
有個守財奴變賣了他所有的家產，換回了金塊，并秘密地埋在一個地方。他每天走去看 看他的寶藏。有個在附近放羊的牧人留心觀察，知道了真情，趁他走后，挖出金塊拿走了。 守財奴再來時，發現洞中的金塊沒有了，便捶胸痛哭。有個人見他如此悲痛，問明原因后， 說道：“喂，朋友，別再難過了，那塊金子雖是你買來的，但并不是你真正擁有的。去拿一 塊石頭來，代替金塊放在洞里，只要你心里想著那是塊金子，你就會很高興。這樣與你擁有 真正的金塊效果沒什么不同。依我之見，你擁有那金塊時，也從沒用過。”
The Wolf and the Lamb 狼與小羊
WOLF, meeting with a Lamb astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on him, but to find some plea to justify to the Lamb the Wolf's right to eat him. He thus addressed him:"Sirrah, last year you grossly insulted me." "Indeed," bleated the Lamb in a mournful tone of voice, "I was not then born." Then said the Wolf , "You feed in my pasture." "No, good sir," replied the Lamb, "I have not yet tasted grass." Again said the Wolf, "You drink of my well." "No," exclaimed the Lamb, "I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother's milk is both food and drink to me." Upon which the Wolf seized him and ate him up, saying, "Well! I won't remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations."
The tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny.
The Bat and the Weasels蝙蝠與黃鼠狼
A BAT who fell upon the ground and was caught by a Weasel pleaded to be spared his life. The Weasel refused, saying that he was by nature the enemy of all birds. The Bat assured him that he was not a bird, but a mouse, and thus was set free. Shortly afterwards the Bat again fell to the ground and was caught by another Weasel, whom he likewise entreated not to eat him. The Weasel said that he had a special hostility to mice. The Bat assured him that he was not a mouse, but a bat, and thus a second time escaped.
It is wise to turn circumstances to good account.
The Ass and the Grasshopper 驢子與蚱蜢
AN ASS having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, "The dew." The Ass resolved that he would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger.
The Lion and the Mouse 獅子與報恩的老鼠
A LION was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up angrily, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: "If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness." The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came and gnawed the rope with his teeth and set him free, exclaiming:
"You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."
“你當時嘲笑我，不相信能得到我的報答， 現在可清楚了，老鼠也能報恩。” 這故事說明，時運交替變更，強者也會有需要弱者的時候。
回答者：chenjiawei1994 - 兵卒 一級 5-5 20:00
There are four seasons in a year.Which is my favourite one?Of course winter!Why?Let me tell you.
Winter is the season of festivals.The New Year's Day,Christmas Day and the most important festival in a year for Chinese:Spring Festival is also in winter!All the family members are back home this time.So I like it!
And sometimes will snow, I like playing after a snow!And the world turn white,I can make snowmen with my friends ,that's wonderful!
That's why I like winter best,how about you?
回答者：decheng1996 - 見習魔法師 二級 5-7 11:48